HELL WEEK UPDATE

Hey Hey Hey Phantom Readers! Oh my gosh.

I am approaching my last day of Junior Year in the University of Santo Tomas. Whuuuttt?

Yup last three weeks ago was h e l l on earth.

So stressful. So scary. So tiring and my gosh so Over!

I’ve had reports, quizzes, projects and my THESIS PROPOSAL DEFENSE (that went AWESOME btw).

IT’S AMAZING.

Three weeks ago I though would be super impossible to get this far. I even had to act in a One Act Play entitled “Half an Hour in a Convent” by Wilfrido Ma. Guerrero. I played Yolanda and the experience was just awesome. I missed Acting in plays be it in workshops or school play…I was happy to have this experience and my groupmates were wonderful.

We had Ivy who created the looks. She made the Nun costumes work. And feather who helped along.

We had Lloyd who directed us. He worked on choreography, positioning, speech, and action…the whole thing. Awesome. Jeff helped with Ques and Lines and remembering where we were supposed to be when we said something.

Amfelle helped with props and getting everything prepared. She even cleaned up after despite having the start of a fever. We have Aura and Roi, very thankful for their help too.

Then there are my fellow actors:

Marinette. She is also the group leader. She played Mother Superior. I was just so happy for her and proud at how she delivered. She remembered all her lines and she was just amazing.

Ella was awesome. Good delivery and her scream was on fleek.

Yvonne…Yvonne was sooo good. She and I were attempting to cry but our emotions weren’t very in the  moment so we weren’t able to accomplish that but no worries, we survived and I think we survived very well.

I am so proud of these people. Brava to us.

Let’s talk proposal defense. I was freaking nervous but it wasn’t really apparent yet. My nerves have a tendency to reveal themselves last minute. So I can be nervous but chill for the hour before something and then, five minutes before my turn my heart would start beating faster, my hands would shake and I would want to jump around and stuff because I’m suddenly pumped.

But anywayssss I was watching other people’s defenses and sitting beside our adviser. When he asked the defensee something and they couldn’t answer and Sir would turn to me and sorta ask me….I am just so eeeeeeeeek I was able to answer and when it finally came to my turn to defend my proposal, IT WENT SO WELL…I was on Cloud 9.

Then right after, Marinette who is also our class president went to me and told me she had good news. I was part of the ten exempted from this final exam in this subject. I nearly cried!

This subject was the one I was stressing over most (other than the proposal defense) So…I took my bestie and made a beeline for the school chapel.XD

THANK YOU LORD!

What else? what else? what else?

Ohhh Yesterday!

Went to Canyon Cove in Batangas. It was my mom’s office outing and we- sibs and I, tagged along. I wasn’t expecting to be able to come because finals week often had the tendency to have a very wacked up schedule.But I was able to so that was pretty fun. I have an awful tan line but eh! I enjoyed meditating while kneeling on the seashore allowing the sea to drag me in and pull me back. It was pretty relaxing.

I did underwater ballet in the pool and it was fun to stretch my legs with the extra help from H2O.

My mom allowed me a drink or two or three of Tanduay Ice Alcomix Pomelo. I’m not into Alcohol and my only experience with it so far was the Blue Tanduay Ice during my debut and cheap red wine during New Years eve. It was nice to taste but I am pretty sure I’ll be sticking to rootbeer and choco-coffee instead.

Hmmm

What’s up in the future?

Well….After tomorrow, which is the last exam day!

I’ll be having Community Development trips on the 30th and 1st of June for my Organization and then two months of a well anticipated break.

Meaning, I can finally…FINALLY post more than I have been doing. I expect to read and watch movies and stuff so this blog won’t be so bare and I can finally get rid of some cobwebs.

I’ll also be posting a short story-maybe. I might write on here as it has been FOREVER since I’ve written stories.

I need to rekindle my love with writing and reading for fun.

I don’t really have my two month break in plans but yes. Very excited for that. After the short break, I will be a SENIOR on to take my FINAL YEAR in UNIVERSITY. I will be holding a BACHELORS DEGREE in LITERATURE and I will be out JOB HUNTING. O.O

But of course, I have to finish my thesis and defend it first…

Hahahahaha sleepness nights await.

huhuhuhu

XD

Well, that is all, for now, Phantom readers. For those of you who had stayed on and still follows this blog. Hi! I’m still alive and still attempting to update so just hold on there and I thank you ever so much. For those who have just gotten on to this, Welcome!

I’ll be sharing a pic of the actors from Half an Hour. I might make it my cover photo of this post. We’ll see.

Til’ next time. God Bless all!

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LA LA Land Review

(I lost my Kimi no nawa review draft…so I’ll hafta rewatch before I make another review. In the mean time, here’s a quick critique of LA LA LAnd)

              Upon watching La La Land, the most obvious avenue of focus would have to be the ending. It was what I had initially been told of by friends and family who had watched the movie before I did. I had read in reviews that it was pegged as the crowning glory of the movie which left the entire production on a down note which is not often seen in films portrayed to be whimsical as it had when shown in mere trailers.

              This ending is where the protagonists imagine an alternate occurrence of their lives if they had stayed with the one another. These two former lovers who have long since separated due to circumstances that were just beyond their control had crossed paths once more and they get to witness each other’s lives and how it turned out for the other. This provokes the wandering of our two leads. This ending claimed to be one which highlighted the reality of choices made and how a certain thing can end up far different from how one may wish.

              The fact that life will not turn out how one may wish it to is given focus. This adds up to the sentimental value of the film in entirety. People often elevate movies which portray a little bit more of reality than fiction as most believe to be able to relate to such movies far more. I believe it was a very nice touch for the movie to end on a sort of bittersweet happy ending. The couple we initially rooted for did not end up together, however, they did reach their dreams and acquire exactly what they had wanted from the very start.

              Notwithstanding are two ways to view this ending. One mentioned above is how life in not very predictable and will often consist of plot twists and holes. More often than not, to stray as far as possible to exactly how you want it. Another way to view the ending is to acknowledge Sacrifice and in the context of the industry of both our protagonists who are budding artists, Sacrifice is not only something easily associated with them, but also is very much expected of them.

              Often have we heard of fame coming with a price. Success an outcome of immense hardship and toil. In order to rise above and reach your dreams and ambitions, things must shift, change and rearrange. It will not be uncommon to lose relationships and gain new ones. Some relationship though not ending may change course. Partnered with sacrifice is our protagonists’ determination and conviction in the stretch of their ambitions. We see their struggle and we find ourselves joyous of their victories at the end.

              Moreover, with the Movie, one interesting thing to note is the music score. The lyrics and the main song when studied shows that there were hints or “Easter Eggs” which foreshadowed the ending. It was a clever move and appreciation must be shown to whoever chose and placed the songs in their positions from the beginning to the end.

              Moving forward, from the point of view of one who is very fond or even as far as to say passionate, about Musical Theater, I believe the movie was a very good movie; however, as a musical, it did not move me as much as I had expected it too. I concede that perhaps other people’s verdicts had influenced me to watch the movie armed with high expectations, nevertheless, I enjoyed the movie and enjoyed the music and songs and dance; as they were truly entertaining, but I did not feel gobsmacked by the lyrics or by the melodies. I did not feel an outwardly magic or the feeling of being lifted off of my feet by mere melody alone.

              The dancing was decently ordinary. If I had discovered La La Land as a stage performance, It would not have stuck to me as musicals like Legally Blonde, Sweeney Todd, Heathers, or Carrie had. Granted, simplicity does have a strong note, but it is just a matter of taste when I relent the greatness of La La Land.

              To conclude, The movie is one deserving of praise as it was done well, is well thought of, and very entertaining. However, the movie as of my view, stand alone as a great movie but at best stand mediocre as a musical.

Rating:

As a movie 4/5

As a musical 3/5

Why so silent?

Where have I been after promising to update?

(I’ll try updating more but no promises. Forgive the grammar, sentencing structure, and spelling. I have not set time to put aside emotion, so this post is definitely ridden with emotion…let’s get on with it.)

Well to put it bluntly… My self-loathing peaked and my will to live was very low come Christmas time. I wasn’t depressed per se, I just didn’t want to be here anymore. I didn’t wanna die, I just didn’t wanna live. I didn’t feel like anything was worth it, I didn’t feel happy though there were moments where happiness was the correct emotion to supposedly surface. I was eating and breathing and bathing and eating but I was far from living.

I was also bored out of my mind and I had no strength to open a book and go through its pages. My only company was music wherein I found solace-or as close to solace as it could get.

I finally decided to give a game a try as I felt closer and closer to oblivion every single second that passed by. It’s a virtual reality game interacting with people from who knows where and it did get me busy and such.

I met people I can call friends. Although they are online and behind an avatar-thereby risking opportunity for them to undoubtedly hurt me if I let them in enough to be able to…So far I think, they’re worth that risk.

What has happened since the 20th of December?

I got addicted to the VR game

I got enrolled a new semester

I started healing from the catastrophe of the events that ensued last November

I started writing my thesis

I started becoming more Samantha again

I stopped being a zombie

I was able to laugh

I was able to joke about

I was able to regain control of my emotions for the most part

I returned to my responsibilities

I took preliminary exams

I joined Mimesis 2017 as Glinda from wicked

What made me write a blog post today?

Although I am way better now and feeling more like myself. A hint of depression hit. Though most would say I’m very much healthy to be depressed seeing as I have a good grasp of myself and what I need physically, mentally and emotionally; and I’m well aware of methods to stay away from depression; and I know how to handle stress and I know how to distract myself from anything that can trigger negative emotions….I also know being human and all, nothing can control such things when they hit.

Mine may be minor enough that those around me can have no clue but I battle every day with my self image, my self love. I battle to eat well, to sleep well. To smile and make others happy….or at least ease their burdens because that’s basically what makes me happy. Knowing I can help someone.

It’s been a recurring feeling for me to just gave up but I battle with that too and so far I have been able to hold the enemy back.

So many things circulate in my mind and people who surround me often forget or perhaps they had never known of how fragile I really am. How every little word muttered in whatever tone, any kind of action a person may thing I can or cannot see, everything unsaid, every silent sign…I notice. I always notice.

And I feel. And I overflow with emotion in reaction and response from everything.

Don’t take my silence for ignorance.

Physically, I can stay still pretend not to notice, pretend to go about my business….but people must understand as I do that my actions no matter how small can affect a person greatly.

I don’t express myself enough but it’s only because that’s my way of coping from whatever I am given.

I deserve applause for my acting. Braving on a strong front. Pasting my smile on my face enough times for even me to believe I am truly happy. But reality always needs to butt in and remind me of its existence.

I can try to escape but I will always be brought right back. Buuuuut I can live with that. I can continue fighting. I know a good handful who really do understand me and wishes me to stay, and for them I do. All I need is one person and I’ll guarantee the rest that I will not leave.

But the fight is no way easier than it was before. I can only handle it better and better at times but I recognize that it will always be there.

I’m a realist restraining the romanticist in me. I recognize the cold hard truth and yet still wish to believe a world wherein love triumphs over all.

It usually does, but love is nothing without action. And having a one-way relationship with love involved is a one-way ticket to crashing and burning of exhaustion.

I don’t know where I’m going with this. I just find release in writing. In putting my thoughts somewhere in a space wherein they can exist. It comforts me that I am real and living and breathing enough to share such thoughts and it ground me to an existence wherein I know I am a being among many.

And from there it helps me understand that someone may feel the same. Someone who may not know me might want to give me a hug, some stranger may want to confirm to me that I exist and being able to share such thoughts mean I should think myself important in the universe…or something along those lines.

Partly, I would also like to shout out to those who feel something close to what I do. I understand you. We aren’t the only ones. What I wanna say to you is that: if I can keep fighting, you can too. If I can still smile right now. You can too. You may suffer more than I do, but I still believe there a fight in you. Cause if there weren’t…you wouldn’t be here right now to read this.

Stay strong.

HELLOOOO

I’m Back! I took the liberty of resting a week after finals.

Hello Phantom readers! So sorry I hadn’t been active, So so so soooo much has happened to me the past weeks and it was utterly draining both emotionally and physically.

Down to the emotional, I’m currently in an unhappy rut but Christmas is in a few days there is still hope for a little Christmas cheer. How are you all? Good, I hope!

We finally have wifi again and I am currently using my laptop which was gifted to me. Thank you again, I know you read my blog. The only sad thing is that my phone of two years is practically dead so I don’t have a good handy camera for future reviews and such.

Also, because of my horrible past month, I wasn’t able to launch blogmas as I had initially planned to. Oh well, we can do that next year.

The things that you can look forward to here would be my Grades reaction, a review of Kimi no Na wa, my Christmas eve and Christmas day blogs, and maybe a What I got for Christmas? I’m not sure. If I get a message requesting anything again…we’ll see.

I may also blog about the stuff I experienced the last weeks but I’m still trying to gauge if it’s something I wouldn’t mind sharing with the world.

Anyway, rest assured that as long as I have stable connection with WIFI, I’ll be able to blog!

I think I’ll rewatch Kimi no Na wa before I review…I’ll get to that right now.

Have an awesome holiday my lovely readers! I’ll see you in my next blog!

Halloweeeeeeeen

Happy Halloween Phantom readers.

Im currently on break from school but sadly, we have no wifi a home so I still cant post much though I want to.

But anyway, I got my preliminary period grades and they arent scary! So yay!

I need to do a little better this finals period though. Wish me luck guys!

I’ll see if I can post a little Halloween something. I hope everyone enjoys their tricks and treats.

Eat lots of candy and don’t forget that toothbrush.

🍫🍬🍭Happy Halloween everyone!🍭🍬🍫

 

Birthmonth Birthweek

Hola phantom readers.

It has been a month.

I am sorry.

I am currently undergoing hell week. It is hard XD

Buuuuut anyways I just wanted you guys to know that this blog is still alive and still will have future posts. For thebmonth of October it might be more on positive stuffs than real long posts but time can only permit such so please bear with it. Thank you very much.

Ill try not to go on too long of a haitus. Once you get out of the rhythm of posting stuff getting back is a little hard. But no worries. Itll happen again.

Anyway for this week…its all exams for me. Oh and my birthday overshadowed by exams and responsibilities 😦 nahhh but its okay. Ill get through this.

Im turning 19. My goodness. Wow.I feel pretty old.

Well thats all the time O have to post something so Ill see you guys on my next post.

Til then. Have a great day and keep that positivity.

Update on my comings and goings….

Two words to describe me right now.

Sick. And. Tired.

No Im not pissed or anything. Im literally sick because Ive been constantly tired. Had to stay home from school todat and that actually gave me time to write a little post.

So much has happened the past weeks. Ive done lots as the secretary of my Yoga Org, As well as the executive coordinator of my Literary Society.

Ive also broke a record, i think, of being able to sleep for only 3hrs a night consecutively.

Bet my exhaustion was what made me sick. I gotta attend classes tomorrow but I really dont want to.

But then again, this is the life pf a student who wants to do well. Besides, Ive got family and friends counting on me.

I can’t let them down, now can I?

The worst part about missing school is that each class is 3 hrs long. So you really miss a lot of stuff. Not only cant you be productive sick, you also have more thigs to catch up on after youve gotten slightly better.

But its alright. Ill survive. I want my name on that Dean’s list.

I dont know when I can update again but just stay tuned Phantom Readers.

Adios!