Family problems

Hello people of the internet.

It has been a rollercoaster of experience these past few days. Some big things are happening in my life right now.

To start it off, my parents don’t live with each other. They separated when I was 3, but they aren’t divorced. It isn’t allowed in the Philippines. We only have annulment and legal separation.

Anyways, through the years, my father with the helpful nudge of attornys every now and again, reluctantly gave a share to my siblings’ tuition. Which really isn’t a lot because both my siblings are honor students. They both rank number one in their respectful grade levels.

My father (after the annual fight every Philippine summer) also gives us school supplies from the mini store of my aunt on his side.

Basically that’s his entire contribution for the three of us yearly. According to the law, that isn’t enough but since we have had financial problems for years, we never pushed through on hearings that would force him to properly support us.

But….last two weeks ago, my father made a stand refusing to pay even the little he already does. He blasted off so many lies and told his friends about how he was the one fully supporting us while our mother supposedly did nothing. He called us things as well as insulted my mother through us in a phone call. He said that we were better off not studying or if my mom wanted it so badly, she should take.my siblings out of private school and send them to public school. He said I should get out of my university as well and just go to a public college.

He doesn’t care that we want to receive the best education possible. This wasn’t the first year he tried to push us into changing schools. My mom refused. In all honesty, to get by well in this country, you must study in a private school. That is an advantage later on when you are trying to find work. Also you receive more opportunities in private school, more chances to learn. My father cares not for that.

It would’ve been somewhat understandable if my father was having financial problems too as he claimed. It would be believable if only he didn’t have the latest gadgets or if he wasn’t able to buy that new big flat screen tv or fix up his house and bathroom.

But what really got to me was his insults. I am very protective of my mother. She does everything she can to make us live comfortably. She is the bread winner in the family as well as the bread winner in the extended family with our grandparents and my two aunts who are struggling to find work.

Out of anger at my father having the nerve to talk so badly of my mama, I posted on Facebook. A message that explained everything. It was full of raw emotion, vulgar words and plain old truth. The opposite of this post. I’m A lot calmer and composed.

Everything that had bottled up since I was a child unleashed itself in the form of angry words. I posted it publicly because I wanted to let the people he lied to know what really is the truth.

The post was spun from hurt, frustration, disbelief and the sad feeling of being fed up.

Now my father is angry. Though he is angry about the message and focused on something I said instead of looking at why I said it and what could possibly had been the reason for such an outburst.

He still didn’t get it. I don’t know where this is going but my mother had started talking to an attorney and despite having no funds my mother insists that all three of us will still go to school this coming school year.

I don’t know how my mama is going to do it. Pay for all our tuitions as well as books and school supplies and transportation not to mention food. A lot is on her shoulders.

She refused for me to work though. She said that if I start earning money I may be too excited to still study, I disagree but she insist that I focus solely on studies.

Right now I’m trying to stay positive. Praying for guidance and for my mom. She works overtime and sells a little food on the side. My grandparents have no jobs but derives income from some land we lend out. They help somewhat lessen my mom’s burden though it isn’t really enough.

Everyone is sprung up and I’m losing a little sleep with worrying but the fact that we still have food on our table, a roof over our heads and electricity, water and Wi-Fi. We aren’t being forsaken by the only father I’ve turned to all my life. Despite everything going on, I know we can get through this.

A lot of people don’t believe in God but I’ve seen enough miracles in my life that I believe that there is no doubt someone up there is caring for us.

I’m uncertain of what is to come but I’m not so scared now. Everything I feel, I offer to God. My hurt and pain and anger, everything. As for my father, I offer prayers for him, hoping he could find understanding and maybe peace. I don’t know what to feel for him since our relationship was always strained and after years of being envious of my friend’s relationships with their dads…I don’t know. I’m just going to leave it all to faith and fate.

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Finals Week.

I can’t believe it. My freshman year is ending. I have almost survived this big event in my life. Finals week is here.

The past few weeks were the most hardest, challenging and grueling weeks of my life by far.

In a little over the week, I will be free to relax and hopefully marvel over the tiny achievements I had over the year.

This chapter of my life is closing and I can’t wait but I’m also a little sad. Everyone is a mixture of happy and sad at the end of e very school year.

Right now though is the calm before the storm which is finals and the storm before the rainbow which is vacation!

I can’t go into this anymore because I’m busy, but oh my goodness, my feels are overwhelming but I’m ready, let’s do this WOOO HOO!!!!

Mothers Day

Mothers day. The day to show our Moms how much we appreciate them and their love from us. This is the day we should shower our Moms with love and care-not gifts.

Most people think that it is just a gift giving holiday for Mothers, they forget that most gifts mean nothing without sentiment to back it up.

I’m not saying that giving your mom a gift is wrong or anything. It’s just that, material things are always commercializing holidays like this. The holiday likewise is having focus on ‘what to get mom’ and not on what the holiday is for specifically.

Besides, most moms don’t even want something that can be bought in the store.That is why it doesn’t matter what you give your mothers.

What they want is love. They want to spend time with you. They want your hugs and kisses. Mothers would be happy to spend a beautiful day with their kids, listening to their stories and making precious memories.

So if you do want to gift your mother something, I’d suggest a homemade card instead of a store bought one.

It doesn’t matter if you are 30 years old, working and able to purchase the most expensive card. The card made by you, The card you make with time, effort and love put into it is more valuable than anything a store can produce(or resell).

If your mama has a favorite food, flower or chocolate; you can buy some, sure! Just add a little touch of YOU to make it even more special.

If you haven’t seen your mom in some time, for Mothers Day, make time for her.

Take her out to lunch or dinner, a movie, a day in the park! Just spend some time with your mommy, No matter how old you are, she’ll always see you as her baby. Remind her that no matter what, you will always value her opinion, always be grateful for everything she has done for you, always love her for loving you.

That’s what really matters the most.

Quote of the week

The Beauty is already within you, you must simply unlock it and set it free.~(revised)Rigoletto

Beauty is within us all. It is not measured by your outside appearance but by inner strength, kindness, compassion and sympathy towards others. You alone have the power to make such beauty shown. Don’t let ugliness get anywhere near your soul. Your beauty is the light that can shine upon every negative thing in the world. It can overcome obstacles and get you through the toughest things in life. It is the real kind of beauty that everyone secretly longs for. You know you want to be beautiful; and you are! You are beauty.