Why so silent?

Where have I been after promising to update?

(I’ll try updating more but no promises. Forgive the grammar, sentencing structure, and spelling. I have not set time to put aside emotion, so this post is definitely ridden with emotion…let’s get on with it.)

Well to put it bluntly… My self-loathing peaked and my will to live was very low come Christmas time. I wasn’t depressed per se, I just didn’t want to be here anymore. I didn’t wanna die, I just didn’t wanna live. I didn’t feel like anything was worth it, I didn’t feel happy though there were moments where happiness was the correct emotion to supposedly surface. I was eating and breathing and bathing and eating but I was far from living.

I was also bored out of my mind and I had no strength to open a book and go through its pages. My only company was music wherein I found solace-or as close to solace as it could get.

I finally decided to give a game a try as I felt closer and closer to oblivion every single second that passed by. It’s a virtual reality game interacting with people from who knows where and it did get me busy and such.

I met people I can call friends. Although they are online and behind an avatar-thereby risking opportunity for them to undoubtedly hurt me if I let them in enough to be able to…So far I think, they’re worth that risk.

What has happened since the 20th of December?

I got addicted to the VR game

I got enrolled a new semester

I started healing from the catastrophe of the events that ensued last November

I started writing my thesis

I started becoming more Samantha again

I stopped being a zombie

I was able to laugh

I was able to joke about

I was able to regain control of my emotions for the most part

I returned to my responsibilities

I took preliminary exams

I joined Mimesis 2017 as Glinda from wicked

What made me write a blog post today?

Although I am way better now and feeling more like myself. A hint of depression hit. Though most would say I’m very much healthy to be depressed seeing as I have a good grasp of myself and what I need physically, mentally and emotionally; and I’m well aware of methods to stay away from depression; and I know how to handle stress and I know how to distract myself from anything that can trigger negative emotions….I also know being human and all, nothing can control such things when they hit.

Mine may be minor enough that those around me can have no clue but I battle every day with my self image, my self love. I battle to eat well, to sleep well. To smile and make others happy….or at least ease their burdens because that’s basically what makes me happy. Knowing I can help someone.

It’s been a recurring feeling for me to just gave up but I battle with that too and so far I have been able to hold the enemy back.

So many things circulate in my mind and people who surround me often forget or perhaps they had never known of how fragile I really am. How every little word muttered in whatever tone, any kind of action a person may thing I can or cannot see, everything unsaid, every silent sign…I notice. I always notice.

And I feel. And I overflow with emotion in reaction and response from everything.

Don’t take my silence for ignorance.

Physically, I can stay still pretend not to notice, pretend to go about my business….but people must understand as I do that my actions no matter how small can affect a person greatly.

I don’t express myself enough but it’s only because that’s my way of coping from whatever I am given.

I deserve applause for my acting. Braving on a strong front. Pasting my smile on my face enough times for even me to believe I am truly happy. But reality always needs to butt in and remind me of its existence.

I can try to escape but I will always be brought right back. Buuuuut I can live with that. I can continue fighting. I know a good handful who really do understand me and wishes me to stay, and for them I do. All I need is one person and I’ll guarantee the rest that I will not leave.

But the fight is no way easier than it was before. I can only handle it better and better at times but I recognize that it will always be there.

I’m a realist restraining the romanticist in me. I recognize the cold hard truth and yet still wish to believe a world wherein love triumphs over all.

It usually does, but love is nothing without action. And having a one-way relationship with love involved is a one-way ticket to crashing and burning of exhaustion.

I don’t know where I’m going with this. I just find release in writing. In putting my thoughts somewhere in a space wherein they can exist. It comforts me that I am real and living and breathing enough to share such thoughts and it ground me to an existence wherein I know I am a being among many.

And from there it helps me understand that someone may feel the same. Someone who may not know me might want to give me a hug, some stranger may want to confirm to me that I exist and being able to share such thoughts mean I should think myself important in the universe…or something along those lines.

Partly, I would also like to shout out to those who feel something close to what I do. I understand you. We aren’t the only ones. What I wanna say to you is that: if I can keep fighting, you can too. If I can still smile right now. You can too. You may suffer more than I do, but I still believe there a fight in you. Cause if there weren’t…you wouldn’t be here right now to read this.

Stay strong.

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HELLOOOO

I’m Back! I took the liberty of resting a week after finals.

Hello Phantom readers! So sorry I hadn’t been active, So so so soooo much has happened to me the past weeks and it was utterly draining both emotionally and physically.

Down to the emotional, I’m currently in an unhappy rut but Christmas is in a few days there is still hope for a little Christmas cheer. How are you all? Good, I hope!

We finally have wifi again and I am currently using my laptop which was gifted to me. Thank you again, I know you read my blog. The only sad thing is that my phone of two years is practically dead so I don’t have a good handy camera for future reviews and such.

Also, because of my horrible past month, I wasn’t able to launch blogmas as I had initially planned to. Oh well, we can do that next year.

The things that you can look forward to here would be my Grades reaction, a review of Kimi no Na wa, my Christmas eve and Christmas day blogs, and maybe a What I got for Christmas? I’m not sure. If I get a message requesting anything again…we’ll see.

I may also blog about the stuff I experienced the last weeks but I’m still trying to gauge if it’s something I wouldn’t mind sharing with the world.

Anyway, rest assured that as long as I have stable connection with WIFI, I’ll be able to blog!

I think I’ll rewatch Kimi no Na wa before I review…I’ll get to that right now.

Have an awesome holiday my lovely readers! I’ll see you in my next blog!

PRODUCT REVIEW: UPDATE

Updated review: Olay skin whitening bar with rose and milk.

Hello Dear ol’ Phantom Readers, Welcome to my updated product review!

I had been using Olays new one wash wonder Beauty Bar for about a month or so now.

Again I had purchased mine from Watsons branch Maysilo.

Price: Php100 (Watsons sale price of buy two take one free)

Regular bar price in watsons is Php50 .

Review:

Its been a month since I first started using this soap. One bar lasted me 29 days despite my initial dislike for the small-ish size. The soap still whitened after every wash though on some days it wasnt quite noticable.

The smell lingered on my skin after bathing and it was quite pleasant. It lathers us nicely and the thing I really like about the bar is that it didnt melt easily unlike its counterparts.

Below are just pics of my thighs from the before the first wash, the first wash and the results almost a month later.

P_20160720_140054_1.jpg

Before.

Jpeg

 

After one wash.

P_20160805_143200_1After almost a month.

It had visibly whitened. Olay is, as you can see, effective. I’m continuing my usage from here on until I decide to try and review another soap bar.

Pros:

●Mild. It wasnt stingy to my eczema

●Not too slippery when held

●Very pleasant scent that stays after the wash

● Whitens after every wash

●No bad skin reaction or allergies even after a lenthy, continuous usage (Though again, you’ll notice some slight micropeeling as you often get from some whitening soaps)

●The small bar lasts a month with regular uses. Whoch for me is about One to two baths a day.

Cons:

●Price is a bit too pricey for its size.

●Whitening isn’t very noticable at first.

●Gives of a soapy feel after wash similar to safeguard.

Rating: 4.6/5

I don’t have any more cons. 4.6 is my final verdict.

Will I repurchase? Definately.

Review: Disappearing Deadlines.

DEADLINES

CAN YOU TAKE THE PACE?

When journalists Gemma Masterton and David Levy start investigating their colleague’s untimely death, they uncover a world of sex, violence and murder.

The question is, do you have what it takes to keep up with the thrills? Every day you get a new instalment, every night that instalment disappears. A day missed is a story lost. Sign up now for a reading experience like no other.

Praise for Deadlines

“After each stave I was left wanting more … captivated me from the beginning … there are defined cliffhangers that the author uses to make you want to read on the next week – very clever, Mr Brosnahan, very clever!” Crime Book Club

“Fair to say, I’m hooked.” Victoria, Bangor

“The pace is going nice and fast and the stave was read before I knew what was happening, leaving me yet again yearning for next week’s action.” Lance, Liverpool

“You utter bastard. I had to go for a walk to get my heart rate back to normal.” Fearghas, London

“Actual heartbeat racing stuff. Brilliant.” @princessofvp

WHY WE LIKE IT
  • Fast-paced thriller set in the seedy underworld of power and politics
  • A page-turning tale of sex, murder and corruption
  • Fully formed characters, even with their own Twitter handles @jasefitzpatrick

Meet Chris

Chris Brosnahan is a content marketing professional by day, an occasional stand-up comedian by night, and a writer by useful space-time loop. He is the author of one previous novel, POV. He lives in London.

-Taken from The pidgeonhole

Phantom readers! Hello guys:)

Since last ten days Ago I was able to get a stave daily from The pidgeonhole.

I heard about the story on fb. You get a stave daily and it dissapears after 24 hours. So if you miss a stave, you dont get another chance.

The experience can be bought but I was lucky enough to get a free slot.

I have completed all staves and my review is written below.

REVIEW

Okay. Big thrill. All the promises made about Deadlines was fullfilled. It was fast and I flew by the staves.

It made waiting for the next installment frustrating. I really got into the story and when twists and turns happen, It was agony how personal it felt.

Spoiler Alert!

There are deaths. Deaths about characters youd care about.

I honestly didnt have high hopes because each stave is a 30min read for ten days that seemed to me very minimal to be able to make a good structured, well rounded story…I was wrong guys.

Chris is good.

I had wanted to cuss at him in twitter for being dang good. He hurt me so bad! The story was soooooo good.

The plot did not disappoint. Even to the end, you find out something you would’ve expected but don’t and it ends kinda good kinda melancholic.

The characters are easy to fall in love with. You want them and cheer them on and get scared for them.

On the final chapters, all I had wanted was for them to succeed.

The little extras you get like the picture of jason and other pictures that are featured in each stave is a great touch.

Im just gonna end up gushing. I swear. So final words,

The story has adult themes so caution for younger readers. With maturity ot wouldnt be hard to handle.

It isnt graphic or anything which is alright because its main genre is thriller and mystery.

If you get the chance to read Deadlines, I urge you strongly. Go and take it.

Rating: 4.9/5

The point one is because i didnt want a certain character dead and I wouldve liked this character to die differently.

PRODUCT REVIEW

Initial review: Olay skin whitening bar with rose and milk.

My Dear Phantom Readers, Welcome to another product review!

As I had mentioned I was gonna purchase this soap and try it out. This is only an initial review. Ill have an update on results in a month or so’s time.

In this post, we will look into Olays new one wash wonder Beauty Bar.

I got mine in Watsons branch Maysilo beside chowking.

Before going for any product, I ensure that Its mostly a success from reviews online and testimonials that come from legit sources. I have eczema, So I cant just use anything willy nilly. My skin is uber sensitive so that would be a factor you guys may wanna know about.

OLAY
Products

Olay products have received praise from top beauty and skin care experts across the country. Today, Olay continues to hold to the philosophy it was founded on: to maintain a deep understanding of women’s changing needs and to combine products that fit their needs with the latest advances in skin care technology. The end result—superior product performance women have come to expect from Olay.

About

Olay is a skin care brand with 60 years of experience in helping women look and feel beautiful, so they can challenge what’s possible for their skin.

Mission

Olay is one of the most recognizable brands in the world. Yet through all the changes and innovations, the philosophy upheld by Olay’s founder, Graham Wulff, remains just as relevant as ever: Help women look and feel beautiful. That’s a potent formula for success.

 Company Overview

We’re passionate about making a difference in your skin—we have been from the very beginning. Read our story below, explore offers on breakthrough products, and get an inside look at Olay.

Olay is a product truly born from love, as it was created by a man as a gift for his wife. In the 1950s, chemist Graham Wulff saw his wife Dinah’s frustration with the thick, waxy beauty creams that came in shoe-polish tins. They left her skin looking greasy, and they certainly didn’t fit with her feminine sensibility. Graham wanted to create a new beauty product for her— one that could not only moisturize her skin, but also leave her feeling beautiful and feminine.

Together, Graham and Dinah fine-tuned everything from absorption and texture to the delicate pink shade and instantly recognizable fragrance. At last, the legendary Oil of Olay Beauty Fluid was born.

With his formula complete and the first batch mixed by hand, Graham enlisted the help of an advertising agency that he found in the Yellow Pages. Account executive Jack Lowe quickly became Graham’s lifelong friend and business partner, and the two soon created a company to produce and market Oil of Olay.

Within five years, Olay was enjoying phenomenal success in South Africa, and in 1959 expanded into England, the United States, the Netherlands, Canada and Germany. Needless to say, the Olay business flourished. Eventually, Olay was sold to Richardson Merrill, which later became Richardson-Vicks. In 1985, Procter & Gamble bought Richardson-Vicks and gained the Olay brand.

In 2000, Procter & Gamble decided to shorten the brand name to Olay. The formula had evolved over the years, and the original name no longer fit with what women have come to expect from Olay—a light, greaseless formula that absorbs quickly into the skin.

-Source: Olay Philippines FB page.

 

Price: Php100 (Watsons sale price of buy two take one free)

Regular bar price in watsons is Php50 .

I think prices differ depending on where you buy them.

Review:

The soap bar like L’amour was also a very pretty pink color that comes in a prettily designed box. I got the rose with milk which had appealed to me for the reason of the pink XD. It comes in two other variants, one with papaya and another with vitamin C. It had a wonderful scent.

Below are just pics of my tighs from the first wash. It’ll take you a while to see the fifference but I do see some lightening

P_20160720_140054_1.jpg
Jpeg

Before.

Jpeg
Jpeg

After.

I have used it trice now, I did not experience any negative reactions. I was still cautious around skin portions with eczema thought. The soap is pretty mild and lathers and foams upreally well. A downside for me would be he size of the bar, which for the price I think is not proportionate, and the feel of my skin after washing.

For me, It gave off that soapy feel similar to how safeguard would feel but of milder intensity.

The scent though stays long after a wash

The promise of whitening after one wash was indeed true. However like L’amour, it wasn’t very significant. I had to study my skin well to tell the difference.

Pros:

●Mild

●Not too slippery when held

●Very pleasant scent that stays after the wash

● Whitens after every wash

●No bad skin reaction or allergies (Though I notice some slight micropeeling as you often get from some whitening soaps)

Cons:

●Price is a bit too pricey for its size.

●Whitening isn’t very noticable at first.

●Gives of a soapy feel after wash sinilar to safeguard.

Rating: 4.5/5

Will I repurchase? So far I lean towards yes but I will give the final verdic when I update this review.

Screenshot_2016-07-20-13-30-46_1

 

 

Debut and Jumpyard!

Phantom readers! Hello all!

Happy 4th of july to those celebrating it and still on the 4th of july..

The past two days have been awesome!!!

An old elementary friend of mine had her 18th birthday debut. I was part of her 18 treasures. I had an absolutely fun time despite having to dance for 10 seconds in front of everyone as punishment in a game…

The food was awesome! There was fish fillet, chicken teriyaki, beef, pastas, cheesecake, silvanas and cupcakes; other guests were old friends as well, with the mouth watering food, ambiance, music and photobooth, we had overall amazing time.

Yesterday….i had finally finallyyyyy went to jumpyard!

FINALLY.

Been excited for weeks! Been wanting to go for months and months!

We went on a monday so lines were short, it was smooth, 100pesos cheaper and well I was with my old highshool friends.

5 of us enjoyed an hour of jumping. I was the only girl but still, i can rough house with the boys fine.

It wasnt at all awkward or anything even after not seeing them for two years prior.

I had so much fun and we ate in burger king afterwards.

Always say yes to a 4 cheese bacon whopper, guys. Oh and a side of fries and hersheys pie for dessert!

The pie. You need pie.

I missed those amazing guys and it was just wonderful. I had a really great time.

I wanna go there again preferably with them again too. I really recommend visits to parks like these.

Esepcially when youre young and able to exert lots of energy. The boys got tired within a few minutes XD

We werent able to take pictures because we were busy having fun and I think thats perfectly okay. We all agreed the it was awesome and the memories we made are worth it all.

Id write more on it but Im in need of sleep XD

Have an awesome day out there. See you guys

10 looooong days!

What have i done? Lol.

My break from school is a mere two months as opposed to 2 months and 3 weeks. *sad*

I havent been doing much. I had just submitted my transcript for a scholarship application. Pray I get the scholarship.

Oh btw.Sierra boggess has been taken to play christine in paris in phantom of the Opera for the firstctime in FRENCH.

How awesome is that!!!!

Man i am so happy for her!

What else have I done rather than eat, sleep, and chat with friends?

Oh I was able to play twinkle twinkle on my electronic keyboard. With both hands!!

It was harder than i thought. 

I swear.

I can also play the hanging tree with one hand!

Aaaand thats it. Ive mostly been resting. Enjoying kong hours of sleep.

I will have a bit of an eventful july so im excited for that.

I should blog more. I need to find more content to write about. But expect blogs about my mini reunion with highschool friends. A back to school haul and my complainst for more vacay days.

For now. Rest easy Phantom readers. Enjoy whatever youre doing now and have awesome days.

Lalalalalife

Hello phantom readers. Boy, are my days interesting.

I attended a leadership summit as Secretary of executive board of UST YOGA. Food was awesome. I actually ate one serving of veggies.

To sorta chaperone my sis in an overnight prebirthday bash of her bestie. I tagged along to solaire and stayed there yesterday and last night.

It was fun and cold and a little crazy.

My sis, her bestie and that bestie’s other friend…we all watched the conjuring 2 the day before.

4 teenagers scaring each other to the point where they hardly got any sleep. We got scared to use the bathroom and the lights even turned off on its own once or twice.

Paranoia or coincidence?

That aside. I ate so much and had an awesome time. Crispy Kreme donuts, fried chcken and fries…etc. This morning after waking up and showering, my sis and I and her bestie tried out the gym.

Its my first time to use equipment. And my first time in a gym to actually work out.

I hit the treadmill and first stayed 15 minutes then I did some ballet on the wall Barre for 30 minutes. The this pedal thing for 7 minutes. Treadmill for 26 or so and the bike for 6.

It was awesome. I was running to beyonce’s who run the world and time just fled by.

Ate an apple and banana for breakfast.q

Unfortunately…well not really…we were picked up after checkout and ate at burger king for lunch. Bacon 4 cheesey goodness.

I argue That working out was just making room for that jr burger.

It would’ve been fine but my Grandma’s birthday is today. More food!

Spaghetti, pearlballs and more cake.

Yup. Healthy right?

An update on my gradesThe first time it came out two subjects didn’t have the grades up. I got them now.

I was really upset and disappointed. Out of 10 subjects I got 7, 1.somethings. 2 2.somethings andone upsetting 3.00.

I didn’t make the deans list. I worked really hard but I came up short and I got my first ever 3.

It’s just so irritating but I know I still have chances to get my future grades up even better.

Wish me luck phantom readers.

For now, Ill let my irritationdissipate and Ill enjoy the other blessings that come my way.

I’m thankful for the good grades I’ve got and Ill forgive myself eventually for that 3.

I didn’t fail and my average is pretty good. Ill do better next semester.

Hey junnnneeee

Hello my Phantom Readers! Its been a while,

🎊HAPPY BEST FRIENDS DAY!🎊

To all besties out there, this day is for you!

Mmmhhh hhmmm.

Vacation has been great so far. I had caught up to my loss sleep and last night I finally watched kung fu panda 3 🎦with my brother. It was AWESOME.

 

I wonder if Ill make a movie review. Just to add content on this blog😂

I  need to give you guys something entertaining to read about! But review or not I totally recommend that movie. Loved it.💟👍👍

So catching up. My mother had her birthday last 4th of June. 🎈🎀🎁🎂🎁🎀🎈We bought her a cake and surprised her in her office late at night. She did not see that coming.

I am working on getting some part time job while on break.💲💲💲

Hopefully in ☕Seattle’s best coffee☕. The sister cafe of Starbucks.

We’ll see how that goes.

I will enroll in a few ballet classes come June 18.👸💞💖💝 Back to the Leos and tight^_^ yes please. I’m excited!!!👏👏👏👏😍

Right now I have a few events coming up. I’m an incoming executive board Secretary for my yoga club.🙏Namaste!

I have a summit to attend this Saturday. I need to find a corporate attire. 👓⌚👔💼

I have two debuts to attend. 👰👱A yoga party to celebrate international yoga day. …🎆🎇🎉🎇🎆

And I have my eyes set on a free donut on dunkin donuts day.🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩🍩

That’s a hefty schedule.

When I have time and the inspiration strikes, I plan to write📓📖📔 or compose 🎼or maybe use the electric keyboard I bought but never fully learned to play.🎹🎶🎶🎶🎶

I have a few good weeks ahead. Everything is past paced and exciting!

Right now I’m awaiting the big grade reveal.😱😧😦😅😂

Logging into my account to see my grades…its just like the hunger games. 🙆No joke. It’s a struggle every semester.😂😂

Praying for good grades. Hopefully good enough to get into the deans list and convince CHED to grant me a scholarship. *fingers crossed*

In other news. I can now stand on my head. 👏👏My head stand lasted a little over a minute.👏👏👏👏

From someone who had trouble keeping her head not collapsed to someone who can do it 2 months after….Man, if I could stick to my diet and exercise as well as I stick to practicing my head stand I might actually turn heads 😂 jk.

🍨🍧🍦🍩🍰🍪🍫🍬🍭🍮🍔🍟🍝🍕🍖🍗🍣🍞🍜🍱🍳

No but really this determination needs to be channeled in other activities I put myself into. Lets see how that goes as well.

Anyway. Stuffs okay….having fun on rainy days. Wish me luck. Grades away so I can spend the rest of the days for play! Happy Besties Day phantom readers.

Ill update about my grades when they are completely given.

Have a nice day!😊

Half time

Helllooooo phantom readers!

Guess who’s on break now…Me!

I’m done with my exams and I’m done with my second year of college. I’m halfway there!

My last day was last Friday. Yesterday was spent watching Xmen: Apocalypse with my Mom and siblings and then sleeping a lot.

Thank goodness I can catch up on sleep😴

It has been a ride and the past semester has been very challenging but I got through it. All I have to do now is wait for the results. 😅

I’m pretty sure I did alrght in all the subjects so…here’s to praying I see good grades.

Hmmm, what to do now?

Catch up more on sleep, read my books that I haven’t read yet, get to watching some series, >maybe< get a part time job….Ill think of the rest later. I’m going back to bed.

Have an awesome day readers!